The Gifts of the Pause

Hello Lovelies,

How's the holiday rigamarole treating you? Are you remembering to breathe? I hope so!

Those of you that study and practice with me know I like to take a pause at the beginning of practice to settle and deepen our breaths. I'm also fond of encouraging awareness of the way that deepening the breath creates an easing of tension and holding. When we hear that cue, we all tend to tune into physical sensations of tension and holding easing. There is often a more subtle mental and emotion softening that happens too. We stop gripping and holding onto our thoughts and feelings so tightly when we take deeper breaths. We add some space to the mix. Just like beating a batter or kneading a dough adds some air to increase the lightness and fluffiness of the cake or bread, adding some pause to your day can create some new lightness in you too!

It's not easy to create quiet time for ourselves, even for a few minutes--especially quiet time that has no intention or agenda accept to be quiet awareness. We have a lot of cultural pressure to always have our eyes on some aim or goal. This is critical for being able to work towards accomplishment. And...having some balance of time to let the mind wander and be curious without boundaries is also where we can find inspiration and intuition.

When I graduated from my Yoga Therapy training program on October 1st, I gave myself these last few months to not have an agenda about what's next for Yoga Grace even though part of me was chomping at the bit to dig in and create something new and exciting. It was hard to do that! It felt itchy and uncomfortable and I sometimes doubted the value of it. I even felt kind of guilty for not jumping back into all the promotional stuff I had put on hold while I focused on my studies. But I just practiced letting all that wash over me and turning back towards the pause.

And then about one month ago, I at a networking event of holistic health care providers someone casually mentioned that there was some space opening up for rent in Middlebury. Now, starting in January, that's where I'll be on Thursdays! It wasn't a big perseveration for me about whether to do it either. It just unfolded very easily and affordably--almost like it came to me rather than me grasping for it. Not only that but I've also been having these moments of total out of the blue inspiration about lots of great yoga with deeply transformative potential that I want to share with you next year in my classes as well as in my private practice.

So yea, if you do nothing else for yourself the rest of this year, I encourage you to give yourself the great gift of pausing and clearing the to do list. Try an agenda free hour or two or more! Take some deep breaths. Listen. Be curiouis. Notice what comes up. 

It might take a few sessions. Transformation often does. It's worth the wait. I promise!

In that spirit, here is a poem for you to enjoy from a local poet and wonderful human:

Slow by Slow – 2 by Julie Cadwallader Staub
“Secret work has been done in us of which we’ve had no inkling.”
                                                                   -    John O’Donohue

It’s like yeast, they say
or a mustard seed

but I submit
it is also like carpenter ants

the way they work, hidden,
unbidden, unnoticed,

deep within the foundation, the walls,
the very structure of the house

so that one day
light filters through
where a thick wall stood

one day
you see a patch of open sky
where the hardest ceiling had been

one day a door
stands ajar that has been
locked for a lifetime.

Slow by slow
grace finds a way.

Slow by slow
still the gift comes. 

Life Hack: Living into Uncertainty with Grace

Hey, it's been a minute. How are you?

Believe it or not, that's not just a throw away opening line. I'd really love to hear how you are. It's been quite a year and one that is leaving us with more than a little uncertainty about how 2025 will unfold. I'm definitely working with a sense of being unsettled and worried about the future of our world.

I'm grateful for my yoga and other self care practices to help keep me regulated and living into my life from a calm and thoughtful place. I firmly believe it's the only way we're all going to get through this. That doesn't mean we don't get to feel all the feels including anger and frustration and even fear. But feelings and thoughts are everchanging, and at the end of the day, taking a step back to connect to that best part of us that is unchanging will help us figure out how to do better. 

What does my self-care look like? Lots of pauses and deep breaths--that $h!t is magical, no joke. I'm getting quiet and listening to my heart; cultivating compassion towards myself and others--all the world is a mirror; doing lots of self-care to build resilience and wellbeing; constantly being grateful; and looking closer to home to where I can make a difference. I want to nourish connections new and old that will help us remember our shared humanity and interdependence.

How about you? How are you doing? What's making you happy and what's feeling hard? Can I do anything to help and support you? Please reach out--for real!

Now is a great time to make time for getting quiet and reflective to clarify and fortify how we want to show up for ourselves and others. It's yin season. The nature of yin is receptive and accepting. It's about letting go and being with what is. In practicing that, we can begin to understand what is in our control and what isn't--like predicting and directing the future. When we can find peace with this truth we create a lot more ease within ourselves and in our relationships with others. 

Yin qualities are quiet and still and dark. Sounds like autumn and winter in the northern hemispheres right? Many of the Eastern philosophies and sciences are rooted in understanding the cyclical and evershifting forces of nature and that our wellbeing rests in aligning with versus resisting them. How would you like to lean into your yin nature more?

If you need a space to explore, I’ll be teaching a yin yoga class to celebrate Winter Solstice and you can register here.

What the heck is Yoga Therapy?

I am so pumped!
 
I just finished spending one of the most gorgeous fall weekends in Vermont in an online training from 9:30am-7:00pm both days so you might not think that would be my state of being. Well, maybe I’m a weirdo but it’s true!
 
I was attending the first module of the 2nd half of my yoga therapy training. This part of my training got postponed in Fall 2020 as did so many aspects of life due to the pandemic. All’s well because in the meantime, I found and completed an Ayurvedic Health Counselor training, and Ayurveda and Yoga Therapy come from the same lineage of Vedic study so it was meant to be.
 
The weekend was completely energizing!
 
When I tell people about this training, a lot of folks ask, “So what is Yoga Therapy exactly?” or “Seems like all Yoga is therapeutic so aren’t all yoga teachers Yoga Therapists?” These are great questions and, yet, there is a definite distinction between teaching Yoga and being a Yoga Therapist.
 
Let’s start with Yoga. Yoga is a system of mastering the mind so as to become more conscious in our relationship with ourselves and world around us. Its ultimate intent is to free ourselves from our suffering so that we recognize and unite with the pure consciousness of the universe that is what we truly are. That’s a bit of a mouthful. In essence, it helps us see our own BS so we can let it go and be happy.
 
Yoga includes asana (postures), pranayama (breathwork), meditation, chanting, prayer and a set of codes of conduct that one can do and eventually find pure bliss. In its evolution in the West, much of that intention has been stripped away and Yoga classes today are often just focused on mastering postures and breath—both of which can offer lots of benefit and help in healing so no shade thrown here. There’s just a lot of treasure that’s been lost in translation.
 
Yoga Therapy is the specific and scientific application of the system of yoga and all of its practices to heal from specific dis-ease and/or injury. Yoga Therapy can support healing from structural, physiological, and psycho-social conditions. Yoga Therapy is more targeted to an individual or a specific condition. This work is most often done in one-to-one settings. Yoga Therapists can teach Yoga classes that are therapeutically based but these classes tend to be very small and include individual assessments and personalized support as part of the classes.
 
Yoga Therapy has its own deep lineage of study that is thousands of years old. As I mentioned above, Ayurveda and Yoga Therapy share the same Vedic lineage, and like Ayurveda, Yoga Therapy includes assessing an individual’s constitution and potential imbalances to determine the appropriate practices to apply towards healing. Both Ayurveda and Yoga Therapy “remedies” include lifestyle practices (on and off the mat) that encourage an individual to be more present for the life choices that they make so that they can understand their habits and patterns and how that might be affecting how they feel. These are tools for both healing and prevention of dis-ease.
 
So why am I so pumped? For a couple of reasons actually. First, I love studying Yoga and Ayurveda. I could do it all day long. When I’m studying, it fills my tank. I feel nourished! It helps me connect to something bigger than myself and that true joy I feel when I study confirms for me that I’m following my calling. I'm so grateful to have that privilege.
 
When I’m doing these trainings, I find I am more inspired in my teaching and mentoring which leads to my second reason for being pumped. There’s so much to learn. I felt like a kid in a candy shop just reviewing the training syllabus for the next 2 years. My fingers were tingling, my heart was fluttering and my eyes were popping! It’s going to be a lot of work and study, but ultimately, I’ll have even more to offer you and I can’t wait!
 
We all have the opportunity every day to tap into that part of ourselves that is whole and wise and to live our best lives—even in the midst of life’s inevitable hardships. Yoga and Ayurveda offer transformative practices that heal and empower us to reduce our own suffering. They are magnificent and simple at the same time. The world could use more of that, don’t you think?
 
In that spirit, I’m excited to announce two new offerings based on my Ayurvedic Health Counselor training. Check out the two workshops I have coming up in the next few weeks.

One Size Does Not Fit All

Complimentary caution: This post includes my personal journey with food and dieting. I encourage you to take care of yourself by passing on it if it's a topic that's especially hard for you.

I was 11 years old when I went on my first diet. It’s interesting how we talk about diets. We go on diets. Like it’s a trip. It certainly has felt like an endless journey of body dysmorphia and disordered eating, that’s for sure.

I started dieting because I wanted to be as skinny and lanky as my 6th grade classmate Nora. My diet consisted of eating one sandwich per day Monday through Friday and nothing on the weekends. I did that for about 6 months. I lost a lot of weight but it was never enough. Even when classmates insisted I was skinnier than Nora now, I could not see it. My hips were wider and my legs were shorter than hers. I was never going to be shaped like her or any of the women in my mom’s fashion magazines but I didn’t get that. I just saw myself as too big and therefore unlovable. At the time, I wasn’t that conscious of the unlovable part but that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? If we can just make ourselves fit the norm of beauty and attractiveness, only then will we be lovable.

My parents didn’t even seem to notice until one day my dad realized how little I was eating and forced me to sit down and eat a chicken breast. Once I “cheated” on the diet, I began eating and eating and gained all the weight back within 1 month. I had “failed.” And so the spiraling began, again and again and again for 40 more years. No matter how healthy each consecutive diet was or how science-driven the claims were (ie. Clean diet, elimination diet, gluten free diet, juice cleansing, etc.) the mind games, guilt, and shame were the same every single time.

For the last 10 years or so, I’ve recognized how crazy-making this behavior is. And yet, I keep doing it. It’s hard not to. In Western culture, we have an intense morality around food and we are indoctrinated with fat phobia. When those messages start dancing with my internal narrative about “not being enough” - it’s the perfect storm.

At the same time, we are constantly looking for ways to feed ourselves faster and more unconsciously – to keep up with our schedules, our inboxes, and social media feeds. We’re discouraged from slowing down to cook real food and bombarded with promotions for processed foods and pre-prepared meals.

When’s the last time you just ate—sitting down and not moving—focusing only on what you’re eating without doing something else at the same time? When’s the last time you actually looked at your food in appreciation of the nourishment it was providing you?

I’d be lying to you and myself if I said I’m “all better” now; that I’m not susceptible to the dominant cultural paradigm or my inner gremlins. It’s all in there, hardwired over generations. It’s not going anywhere. What I can say is that I’ve managed to turn the volume down a little and I can recognize those patterns and step out of them—occasionally. It’s still a journey and always will be. It’s not linear and it’s definitely not a new gold standard to judge myself against. It’s the judging I need to quit not the food.

One of the most powerful things anyone has said to me about my journey was during my Ayurvedic Health Counseling training last year. One of my faculty advisors pointed out that I wasn’t letting myself be nourished by any of the food I ate—especially when that food was what I considered to be “bad.” That struck a chord. It was a big AHA to realize that the way we THINK about our food influences how well our bodies digest it, break it down into nutrients, and absorb it.

Since then, I try to look at what I’m taking in and digesting, food and otherwise, from that lens. Not a lens of “Is this good nourishment or bad nourishment?,” but “This is going to nourish me and I’m grateful for that.”

Nourishment can mean literal nutrients, comfort in eating it, or something else. It’s a great pause. I eat more slowly. I chew my food more. I’m present while I eat. Not every time, mind you. In fact, I do that maybe only 50-60% of the time but that’s a lot more than never and I’m open to keep showing up and seeing where this goes. It’s liberating and illuminating and not always comfortable. I know I am actively creating a different relationship with food—and with myself—and both are less fraught with guilt and shame.

What’s my secret? Well, a big part of it is Me. Eventually this sunk in: if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. I decided to try something different and stopped dieting. I can also say Ayurveda is part of my secret. But Ayurveda can be used as a way to justify disordered eating, too, and I have done that in the past and I don’t want to encourage that notion here.

The wisdom of Ayurveda that is supporting me right now is that there is no right diet or lifestyle for everyone. We are all made up of unique constitutions and we need different food to nourish us at different times of the year and different times of our life.

As much as I loved the structure and rules of diets (so I didn’t have to think about it), I’m leaning into taking the time to pay attention and respond to the rhythms of life inside and out as they arise for me. The answers to what we need to be healthy and happy change for each of us. One size does not fit all.

It All Started with a Fart

Yes, I wrote that. It all started with a fart.

And devolved from there.

Until Monday, I was uninitiated into the zoom bomb experience. I remember hearing about it when we all first started moving our yoga classes online in 2020 but then waiting rooms and passcodes were supposed to prevent them. I don’t know if all zoom bombers disrupt the meetings they take over with poop talk but this one had a LOT to say about it. #everybodypoops

I’m embarrassed to say that it took me half an hour to figure out how to get rid of them. The first “bomb” was a fart noise in the middle of the opening meditation. I assumed that someone must have unmuted themselves inadvertently. I noted to myself that I’d need to edit it out of the recording and kept on leading the class. I mean, we’ve all either had that moment or dreaded that we might, right? No biggie. And then, the fart became something else.

I have to give lots of props to the students in class as they encouraged me to keep teaching and to just ignore them. I tried that for awhile and then the “bombing” became a constant and increasingly loud deluge of gastro-intestinal commentary and I had to stop and evacuate the bomber.

While this was all unfolding, I noticed how keyed up my nervous system got. My gut was clenched. I was not breathing even as I cued my students to do just that. I was clenching my fists while demonstrating warrior pose. I kept squeezing my eyes shut with every excremental expletive as if I could make it stop by not looking! You’d think I was actually having my own gut distress.  

What I was feeling was… unsafe. I didn’t feel in control of my environment or that of the students I was trying to hold space for. And my nervous system was moving into a sympathetic response; increasing my stress hormones to ready me for attack and preservation. It may sound a little over the top but the body doesn’t always know the extent to which you are in danger and will automatically pull out all the stops to keep you safe. Has that ever happened to you?

I had also begun imagining what the students must be thinking and how the new student who’d never come to one of my classes before would, of course, NEVER come again and I would get a reputation as a teacher that couldn’t figure out technology and so on... As if this was what they would expect in all my classes and judge from that! Don’t you just love the ego? Very helpful and rational in times of stress.

And then one of my student’s very kind grandson came on the scene and said, “You’re being zoom bombed. They are pretending to be someone you know and you need to remove them from the meeting.” I literally had to chase them around the zoom room because they kept changing their name to match the name of others in the class. Finally, I “caught” them and expelled the little turd.

With agreement from the students, we finished the class. I immediately had us get down on the floor to get grounded again. We kept the breath slow and steady and focused on integrating the breath and movement together. The body loves coherence. We did some forward folds and twists which are calming to the nervous system. We stayed an extra couple of minutes in savasana to continue to digest and metabolize the experience and to let go of the waste.

Now I have a blog post full of poop puns. I guess everything came out all right in the end!

Renewal and Reconnection

If I had been successful with my To Do List and had written this post two days ago as planned, I would have been writing and pausing to be inspired by the tiny green shoots coming up in my neighbor’s front yard. Today, as I write this, I’m looking out at snow on the ground and my weather ap tells me it’s 13 Degrees, Feels Like 3 Degrees outside. That story alone should make it clear why we talk about the weather so much in Vermont. It’s a roller coaster out there—especially this time of year!

These days I’m talking about the weather even more and not just because of those crazy Winter-Spring-Winter fluctuations. I’m paying more attention to how my inner barometer tracks with what’s happening outside and it’s fascinatingly similar!

I’m currently enrolled in an Ayurvedic Health Counselor training program and learning how deeply interconnected we are with weather and all of the governing forces of nature. It’s quite remarkable really, how much we think of ourselves as separate from the cycles of life and, at the same time, how much these cycles still affect us. When we aren’t attuned to and living in sync with these cycles is when we usually throw our health out of balance—at the physical, mental, and spiritual level.

There’s a great quote by Andy Goldsworthy about this that really resonates with me:

“We often forget that we are nature. Nature is not something separate from ourselves. So when we say that we have lost our connection with nature, we’ve lost our connection with ourselves.”

For example, in winter we intuitively increase our protective layers to adapt to the cold and dry weather. You may notice that in fall you begin to crave heavier food and that you tend to want to rest more which is the drive to conserve energy our biological systems know we need to keep us warm in colder weather. Your body will also begin to produce more mucous to keep you from drying out.

As spring approaches and the light and temperatures start to grow, just like the snow, we begin to melt. Things are damp outside and you may also feel like you have a constant runny nose or are clearing your throat and lungs more. You may also feel some growing agitation and restlessness. I noticed that I’m badgering my partner about getting out more and taking trips on an almost daily basis.  Both me and the spring shoots are starting to burst through, pushing to unload those extra layers and lethargy.

As I feel that rising energy within myself, I am watching what I do—and don’t do—in terms of daily practices and eating that nurture or douse that energy. I want to ease into this big transition, flow with it, and not burn myself out by summer. Our bodies need time to adjust to the shifts so I’m slowing down to observe and reflect more and taking care to shed my layers while still nurturing and protecting my prana (life force).

What’s different? I’m adding stronger postures to my yoga practice but I’m meditating more and listening for cues as to what I need to feel balanced. I’m not eating less but I’m adding more bitter, pungent and astringent tastes and sticking with warm cooked food to help balance the increasing dampness and cold and to dry myself out as I melt. It’s definitely making a difference and when I don’t do these things, I can feel more heaviness in my body and mind.

What about you? How are you feeling the shift towards Spring? What might you notice in a pause?

I’d love to help with that! Let’s make sure you find a sense of renewal and regeneration this Spring! I’m extending my $25 off sale on private Yoga and Reiki sessions through April. These sessions are ways for you to have support and guidance in establishing your best practices for health and healing. Check out private session options HERE.

This May, I’m also hosting another FREE online workshop to share how daily practices are a key tool in Ayurveda for living gracefully. I’ll be doing several live demonstrations of these practices and attendees will also be able to try them out. You can learn more and register HERE.

Plus, I will continue to have weekly online classes and am shifting my Tuesday evening class to an in-person setting at The Village Shala in Bristol starting April 12th. I will also be continuing to host Sunday morning Yin yoga classes at Harmonia salon in Bristol 1 or 2 times per month. Check out my schedule and register for classes HERE.

Discounted Packages and Memberships are available for private sessions and classes HERE.

Subham Astu! (I wish you many good things!),

Sending love and daffodils,

Jen

Presence for Manifesting the Future

Hello friends!

I hope this email finds you well and enjoying life's moments however you choose to spend them these last days of 2021. It can be an interesting time of year that is happy for some and challenging for others. It's certainly an opportunity for reflection as we head into a new year in a time of deep uncertainty and concern for our world. 

I agree with folks who say that we should practice being intentional daily and not just once per year. When we do we feel most like our true selves and so we show up more authentically for ourselves and others. This creates a ripple effect of connection and compassion that can become exponential and world healing. 

I also agree that having seasonal pauses for a ritual of reflection is also helpful for motivation and inspiration to make changes. Heck, it's because of a New Year's Resolution I made in 1994 when I was 27 that I finally floss my teeth every day!

Nowadays, when I put some structure and/or ritual around taking time to think about what I want to manifest for myself in the coming year, I invite more energetic support from the universe to help me bring my goals to fruition. My personal practice is to spend time alone in the quiet after my yoga practice contemplating what feels most important to me now. I ask for support and guidance from my guides and ancestors. Then I share what comes up and feels right explicitly--either by speaking it or writing it down.

I even choose a word that I want to represent a theme I want to embody for the next year. My 2021 word is RECIPROCITY as I lean into a deeper understanding of our interdependence with each other and the world around us. My inspiration for that word was the book Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer which I highly recommend. I listened to it as an audio book which the author narrated and her voice and words together are powerful.

You may have an idea for a different ritual for yourself and I encourage you to go for it. Ultimately the point is to draw your intentions more deeply into your consciousness so you really own them. That thoughtful effort tends to bring you to identify goals that are truly best for you. Then they will guide you in your decision making even if you are not fully aware of it at the time. 

Whether or not you make this time of year a moment for reflection, I wish you all the best always and hope to see you soon for practice! 

SUBHAM ASTU! (Wishing you many good things!)

PS If resilience is a 2022 goal for you then self care practices like Yoga and Reiki are excellent for building and replenishing your vitality. I’d love to help and am offering $25 off all Yoga and Reiki session packages through March. Just use the code RESILIENT at check out. I now also offer a 2 week free trial for all class memberships. Check out the options HERE

The Yoga of Connection

I just had one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time. I went to the North shore area of Boston to visit with a friend from college. I came home feeling so nourished and more content than I have been in awhile.

We hadn’t seen each other several years. I’m pretty terrible about keeping in touch with folks but we quickly fell into an ease and comfort together as if we were still roommates in a dorm.

We talked about everything. We caught up about our families and our work of course but we also got to really let our hair down and share deeply. We talked about our fears, our insecurities, all of it. I remember feeling both surprise and great relief as someone I love and admire articulated what I was feeling inside. It was in sharing our vulnerabilities that I felt the deepest connection and love for my friend.

Just recognizing that we are not alone is so uplifting. It’s kind of wild to observe that recognizing “oh you are just as human and flawed as me” can feel like such a bond but it’s true. It’s when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest with each other that we find the deepest sense of connection. We can stop all the masking that we’ve convinced ourselves that is necessary and get real—and more open-hearted.

Other people are our mirrors. When we are courageous enough to show each other our deepest selves, including our fears and flaws, then our experience resonates more deeply because we all have fears and flaws and we see ourselves in others. We feel truly heard and held. We lean in rather than away—towards each other and also towards ourselves.

I recognized that my dear friend has stories about themselves that aren’t true and that dim the radiance and goodness I know is there. It helped me recognize that the stories I’ve been telling myself aren’t doing me any favors either. These moments together nurtured and restored us because we were touched to the core. We felt our innate wholeness and remember our wisdom and spirit.

We need these kinds of connections with each other. We literally depend on them to survive and thrive as humans.

Making these deep connections with others is a kind of Yoga. The premise of Yoga philosophy is that we are always innately whole and that we possess an inner wisdom and truth that is untouched or tarnished by our experiences. When we do Yoga that includes on and off the mat—such as stretching ourselves emotionally—we create a well-worn, easily accessible path to that part of ourselves and we can sustain a sense of wellbeing and compassion for ourselves and others even when we are in the throws of the inevitably painful experiences of living a full life.

Sound intriguing? I would love to support you in starting, expanding or re-connecting to a yoga practice and I’m offering some great deals this month for private sessions and classes. Let’s connect!

Sustaining Stillness

"Stillness is important for all who want to transform their pain instead of transmit it."

- Barbara Holmes

A wise friend posted this quote on Instagram a few days ago and, wow, it has stuck in me like glue ever since.

It's a simple offering that I know from experience works. It resonates so that I want to share it with others. It is rich in raw truth and I can feel its lessons are endless.

I know this because, if I’m honest, it also makes me a little uncomfortable. My relationship with stillness has been poking at me as I've been recalling recent intense family visits, processing a death in my family, and even just doing my daily yoga practice. Maybe the discomfort is the anticipation of feeling raw and vulnerable if I get still around an experience or emotion.

Generally, finding inner stillness has been a relatively easy and grounding part of my daily practices. It is not, however, so easy to do in the heat of the moment, when it can really help. When I'm under stress and more easily triggered into old patterns and stories, I don't always remember to get quiet and listen to the calm truth of my own untarnished wisdom.

Could I have used stillness recently to help me stay more compassionate with my family as they expressed their pain and not been short with them? For sure.

So am I just a fair weather friend to stillness? 

I believe it's more that I'm in a new friendship with stillness so we're still in that awkward phase of getting to know and appreciate one another. 

I had a moment recently when talking to someone that I have a long history with (read knows exactly where my buttons are) who made a passing comment about me that definitely triggered a sense of defensiveness. Ideally, I could have just let it slide and continued with the conversation but as I said I'm a new friend with stillness, not old steady friend...yet.

Historically, I would react and hold onto what felt like an insult that would have shaded that conversation and would have kept me disconnected and guarded in further interactions with this person. Instead, I paused, covered my face with my hands and said out loud, "Wait." To myself I said "Notice your reaction. Don't assume. Stay open." To the person I said, "What does that mean?" 

Ultimately, that 3-4 second quiet pause gave me an opportunity to listen so I could learn that while there was a judgement in the statement they made, they didn't see it as a criticism. I also had time to feel my physical sensations and experience of consciously not jumping to reaction to understand that I didn't have to own anything they said, whether it was a criticism or not. That I could recognize my defensiveness as part of an old story I have about my own self worth and decide not to let what someone else was saying about me affirm that story. 

I felt the truth and freedom of that in a new way even though I've heard and said to others many times that what others say about you doesn’t matter. I think that's an example of what that quote means about transforming versus transmitting pain. I healed versus hurt myself and others. 

That tiny brief moment in my life was such a big gift from stillness. In those milliseconds of quiet I found my compass and stayed true to myself and my values. I also increased my belief that I can do it again. I stayed connected to myself and therefore was able to stay connected to others. At the end of the day, isn't it all about our relationships? 

How about you? What's your relationship with stillness?

Artwork courtesy of Harmony Willow Studios (@harmonywillowstudios)